


I Want to be Like You Guys

by RandomFujoshi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: "I don't like cutting but I can't stop, "I wanna be normal Kageyama, Angst, Depression, F/M, Hinata but he has my mental issues, Hinata is Adopted, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, M/M, One Shot, Protective Kageyama Tobio, Self-Harm, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, and he loses his medicine but he's took scraed to ask his adoptive parents, but he also attac, he protec, help me"
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2018-12-14 10:41:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11781468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomFujoshi/pseuds/RandomFujoshi
Summary: Hinata the sun. Hinata the Great.Hinata the hurt. Hinata's fate.Hinata needs help, any kind he can get. But he really WANTS Kageyama, since the day they met.Without medicine it's hard for his emotions to stay in line, because at the end of the day it's hard for Hinata to shine...Or Hinata had a ROUGH childhood and he takes medication to help keep his thoughts out of the gutter. One day he loses his pills, but he's scared to ask for more so he goes spiraling into a whole of despair and anger. He needs help, but only Kageyama is what he wants.





	1. This hurts

**Author's Note:**

> Unedited because I don't give a single fuck

Sugawara noticed the change first. That Monday, Hinata seemed a little 'down' or 'empty'. He looked as if he hadn't slept or eaten all weekend. It was subtle. Slightly tinted eyes that didn't shine, slow responses, and the way he ate was  _different_. Usually he swallowed everything whole, but now he picked up tiny peices of rice one-by-one and even then only ate a couple grains.

That morning Sugawara asked Hinata if he was okay, and Hinata nodded slowly and gave one of his trademark smiles. "I'm fine Suga-san! I just stayed up all night studying!". Sugawara dismissed Hinata, thinking it was just his mother instincts assuming things. But then Sugawara realized,  _When the fuck does Hinata study, especially without Kageyama?_

The next person to notice was Hinata's adoptive parents. At first, Takogi (adoptive father) assed it the change was because Hinata was adjusting to his new transgender mom. But Hinata was fine last week, when Itou (adoptive trans-mom) first told him. In fact, Hinata was ecstatic. He even paintes the transgender flag on his wall next to the portraits of his new family. 

That Tuesday after volleyball practice, Hinata went straight to his room without a word to his parents. Itou thought Hinata was started to have negative thoughts about having a transgender mom. Takogi and Itou went to Hinata. "Are yo u okay Hinata? Are you upset about me being your mom since I'm, ya know,  _different_. Hinata blinked at the two in confusion.

"No way! I love that your my mom, and I couldn't ask for anything better!", Hinata said running up to hug Itou. He flashed Itou a genuine smile, filling the mother with all kinds of warm feelings. But then it hit her,  _when I asked Hinata about his day yesterday, his smile was definitely not genuine._

It was Wednesday now, and Hinata walked down the hall afraid. 

_ They know I'm not normal _

_They know I'm not clean_

_They hate me_

_They think I liked when he did those things to me_

_They think I'm a whore_

_They'll kill me_

_THEY DONT WANT YOU_

_THEY KNOW YOU'RE A FAG_

_YOU'RE DISGUSTING_

_DIE_

_CUT_

_DIE_

_CUT_

_DIEEEEE_

Now it was lunchtime AND instead of eating, Hinata was crying in the bathroom stall hoping and  _praying_ the day would end so he could go home and litter his wrist with the norm.

He was disgusting and he deserved it, right? He didn't stop his father from doing all of those things. There are children in Africa who live in poverty and here was cutting himself like the _disgusting, emo, gay, loser, freak_ he was!!! He deserved to die.

(but he wants to live)

Yamaguchi came to him during practice. Asking if everything is fine,and why he wasn't at lunch. Another trademark smile and fake excuse later and BOOM. Off the hook.

(i know my medication can help, but I don't want artificial happyness anymore)

Luckily, Kageyama knew about Hinata's mental issues, and made it his duty to protect Hinata (from himself)

He made the mistake of doing their 'routine' in the locker room infront of the others.

"Arm check", Kageyama said, standing in front of Hinata who was about to leave. "W-what?", Hinata said, backing away. All Hinata heard was " _I know that you're still hurting yourself you slut"._  

"I want to make sure you're okay. You haven't called me or even attempted to have a conversation with me since last week and I'm worried, so let me see your arms"


	2. "I'm LOST!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> , Hinata screams as he squeezes Kageyama tighter. "Find me".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for procrastinating guys! School it rickrolling the fuck outta me like wtf.
> 
> I have something big to do Saturday so i'll try hard to update this and my other fics either Sunday-Tuesday

So here he was...

 

Crying as he tried to get away screaming. "Please, Hinata!", the taller male said, trying to detain the redhead. "I want to help you!". The thing is, as far as Hinata is concerned, this wasn't helping anyone. 

"I though you cared about me! I thought we w-were.....", Hinata cried, "In love!?". Kageyama pulled the other into a  tight embrace, hoping to calm the struggling.

"That's the thing! You're pulling away from me and I hate it. I c-can barely  _sleep_ because I'm worried that i'll wake up from  a call saying you quit on life. I know it's h-hard to not do it and all, in fact the only thing stopping  _me_ is  _you_! I can't bare to watch you leave me okay? I'm scared for you...for  _us_ ", Kageyama finishes in tears.

They'd made a pact a while ago. A pact to take their medicine and not cut for the rest of the month. It started with Kageyama, and Hinata made it his duty to make sure the younger male was okay. But then he started to forget his medicine. Tests and the upcoming tournament added stress that he couldn't quite deal with just yet.

 

He went in unprepared and came out a mess. 

 

He was too scared to ask for a refill; the anxiety building up to the point where he started hallucinating. Then his symptoms  all popped back up, bombarding him with fear. He didn't want the others to know yet. They'd just hate him more

 

 

(right?)

 

 

Truthfully, he was lost. Lost in his  mind

 

in his thoiughts

 

in his soul

 

in his heart

 

in his liffe

 

He needed some grounding

 

By now the others are gathered around the freak duo. They're staring and they can't think of how to help but it's  _okay_   for now because Hinata has Kageyama and Kageyama has Hinata. Suga is the first to speak, but still only letting out mangled murmurs.  "Ah, Hina-...I...sunshi-...um". Honestly, a single "We love you anyways"  would have made things a lot better. Hinata needed to hear something,  _anything_ , that would remind him of how much they loved him.

 

But it was silent except for his sniffles and Kageyama's heavy breathing. Again, he was  _a stupid lost cause not worth the clubs fucking time._ But the things he heard in his head were contradicted by Suga who suddenly became  part of his and Kageyama's hug. 

 

 

"I'm LOST!", Hinata screams as he squeezes Kageyama tighter. "Find me".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idek honestly like lol

**Author's Note:**

> Five Words: 
> 
> Chapter 32 of Killing Stalking


End file.
